And I'll be watching and waiting for it! :-)

Just remember that great Latin phrase - Illegitimi non carborundum (hope the spelling's right) - which, loosely translated, means, "Don't let the so-and-sos get to you."

IMHO, and without flattery, you're one of the better writers I've come accross on the web, and I'm also looking forward to your book.

No, you were right in the first place. There's a reason Clinton's key demographic was "soccer moms".

Anyway, keep up the good work and bring in Misha next time you need "pest control". Mheh.

sorry to see the series stop so soon, but i understand your reasons to discontinue it. your description of "hijacking the comment thread in an antibody response to their viral need for attention" was perfect. i wish there was a cure for that behavior. like liz l said, you are one of the better writers i've found on the web too. keep up the good work!

Hey Bill,

I personally agreed with you in your soccer comments - I never quite got that game...but then I love paintball, so go figure.

IMHO, I prefer Crush snd GRIND! (Salting the ground afterwards is also a nice touch)

Howdy,

Thought I would toss my two cents in for what it is worth.

First off, like your place and your style o prose.

Second, If I was reading it correctly, it read like you were, IMHO, trying to portray what the real *spirit* (essence?) of a "ideal american" is. By using an instruction manual I gather you were parsing out the various parts of our *national being* then bringing them together as a whole?

An example:

The ideal American would have a complete set of the old Popular Mechanics series on *How To* (construct a desk from scratch, rebuild an engine, etc) not because it is easier, but because it will result in an end product that was made by his own hands and is of grater value to the Ideal American, than something prefabricated. Translation: Americans from the start have taken things (ideas) apart and built anew (the Constitution).

I could go on (sheesh, I do have to start a blog of my own) And if I missed the mark, feel free to enlighten me.

I enjoyed your whimsy, Bill, but I think you're right about the approach. There was something about it that didn't work -- maybe because we're such darn individualists, we Americans. Perhaps you could try building the perfect Troll? A sort of anti-Ideal American, as it were.

Right now I'm off to incinerate my son's English teacher in the annual survey. She's the image of a lousy public school teacher (somehow she slithered through the cracks to teach in a charter school.) She's both ignorant and arrogant, and -- what's the opposite of generous? -- I guess I'd have to say mean.

I wish I had your incredible talent with ideas, Bill. I want to write an essay that flays her to her tiny core and exposes her for the anti-teacher she really is. Instead I'll have to do my best and keep checking in for Whittle-inspiration. Keep up the good fight.

Hey Bill
1st - your place, your thoughts, your rules - If I don't like it I can go some place else !

I for one enjoyed them, I rarely agree with everything I read and I didn't in your articles - but I really enjoyed what you had to say and how you said it and was looking forward to more

Thanks

I wasn't a fan of that series, and I couldn't put my finger on why, so I kept my mouth shut and watched to see where it was going to lead. It may not have worked out, but it was worth trying all the same.

I'm not an American, but my sense of the ideal American is epitomized in the stereotypical covered wagon heading out into the unknown. People from all over the world heading out into Opportunity with a hatchet, a hunting rifle, and a box of seeds and no real plan except the desire for life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Up springs the greatest nation in history.

Maybe you don't actually build Ideal Americans. Maybe you just get the hell out of the way and let them build themselves.

Bill,

I really liked the instruction manual approach and enjoyed reading the two chapters you managed to write.

But I see your point--some people didn't approach it the same way you did.

I look forward to reading whatever it is you come up with next!

CERDIP: "Maybe you don't actually build Ideal Americans. Maybe you just get the hell out of the way and let them build themselves." I LIKE that! I think you've got it!

Bill-I wondered why you pulled the series, and I'm disappointed that you did, as it was hilarious. And I say that as a lifelong hockey player and fan, too! As is said far too often on the Internet, "sorry about the trolls". :(

Bill,

I agree on soccer and hockey and especially bicycle maintenance. I don't agree with stoppping the series. I think your faithful readers would have gotten the point eventually.

I look forward to the next version.

Oh, darn! I was SOO looking forward to what you were gonna do with tennis, boxing and golf, three sports in which people compete as individuals rather than as part of cooperative/collectivist groups. And pool and bowling might've been fun, too.

well, I totally disagreed with Bill on the soccer issue, but I kept my mouth shut b/c I was enjoying the flavor and potential of the series and didn't want to let a little sports disagreement get in the way (what american is passionate about sports anyway...sheesh.... /sarcasm). I grew up playing soccer, started in 1st grade, actually, all the way through freshman year of college. I've also been a ref since I was 12.

But that's besides the point. I think with some retooling, the series could be great. I for one was enjoying the bit I read before the plug got pulled.

TO: Bill Whittle
RE: Do Not Let the Bastards Grind You Down

After all, they are not part of 'the folk'.

Keep up the Go(o)d Work...

...we're all excited.

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[You know you're getting close to the target, because they start throwing more flak at you.]

I completely agree with your decision with regard to the comment trolls, Bill. As I mentioned in Bill Quick's blog comments a few days ago, there may be free speech, but there is no free lunch. If they want to make a speech, they can start their own blog; this one is yours, you pay for it, and you don't have to host their BS if you don't want it here.

Anyway, as a hockey fan myself (GO AVALANCHE!), I disagreed with your comment about hockey, but I didn't consider the disagreement worth raising a stink over; it's not that big an issue compared to what you were really trying to say. Apparently, certain trolls thought otherwise. Screw them.

"Building The Ideal American" might just be considered a prototype that failed. In software development, we say, "Plan to throw one away; you will anyhow." So, no shame in admitting failure and trying another approach. Here's hoping the next attempt at conveying the message meets with more success.

Whoo! Time for a second go-round. I think you made the right decision, Bill. Some of the sports stuff served as an easy distraction.

"...crush them like grapes."

A bit or role reversal that...

W(h)ine causes grapes to be crushed. :-)

Sapper Mike

Oh well. I was enjoying it, but after reading the comments for awhile I was sort of waiting for that to happen...

Maybe you should finish writing the series late at night after six cups of coffee, run them off on cheap printings for your closest friends and associates, and watch their e-Bay value skyrocket five years from now. *g*

I've heard it explained that one of the major differences between Europe and America is that if you fail in Europe, you're essentially finished for life, hence a great deal of risk avoidance, and all the hateful dreck that goes with it.

In America, no one takes you seriously unless you've left some serious wreckage in your wake, and accumulated a pile of failures under your belt. Until then, everyone figures you're an amateur. ;)

God, I love America.

Bill:

The first two installments were howlingly funny. You WERE funnier than Frank, dammit.

Truth in song lyrics: You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself.

My advice? (Like you need it,) Go ahead with the instruction manual, and do it your own way. Those that get it will enjoy the hell out of it. Those that don't lack at least one of the essential ingredients of the IDEAL American - a sense of self-deprecatory humor.

BTW, would you please email me copies of those? I failed to archive them before you yanked 'em, and they're too good to lose.

Sometimes you just have to kill what once looked like a good idea but didn't play out. I concur and look forward to what's next...

I think you're right, Bill. I really enjoyed it, but I found myself griping, "Why is he picking on New Zealanders? My best friend's wife is a New Zealander!" or "One of my heroes is German and he was captain of the soccer team in school and he's wonderful!" etc. (Okay, so he's a fictional character. Even so.)

Still, I'm glad I got to read it, and when I saw that it had been taken down, I went to Google cache to save it to my hard drive.

Man, I had so much I wanted to say (in the comment stream of the canceled second installment), but didn't have time the night I first read it. So I promised myself I'd make my contribution the next day after work... only to go on-line and find everything gone... no more "Ideal American" series, no comment streams anywhere (not even in OLD essays), and even the "explanation" posting gone.

"DANG!" I said. "Dang!"

I gotta' tell ya', I just didn't see what was concerning so many people. As LabRat had pointed out earlier in the stream, when Bill's jabs and stings were so obviously absurd (particularly about such things as innate Canadian violence... I loved that one), and especially about things that he'd already made his true opinions known about (in his serious essays), what was everybody fretting about? It seemed radiantly clear to me that he wasn't calling anyone who didn't share these particular traits and tastes "unAmerican." He was just taking a glib and campy route for depicting some general Americanisms that he takes great pride in.

Maybe the two key words in the title -- "Ideal American" -- should have been reversed, to make it "American Ideal." These were aspects of AmeriCANA which, when observed ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD, made you, AT HEART, an American. That, to me, was what this was all about.

I think Bill said it best early on in his TRINITY essay (around the 18th paragraph or so of "TRINITY (Part One)" when, referring to the July 4th posting of that great essay, he said...

"... This one is for us. Americans. This includes all you Americans living in foreign lands with foreign passports, speaking foreign languages and holding foreign citizenships. You know who you are. If you’re an optimist, if untrammeled freedom makes you giddy, if you think you know of a better way to do something and just want a chance to try, if you can tell right from wrong and still care about the difference, if you’re soft hearted and tough minded, if you think we could all get along just great if we’d all just leave each other alone, if you don’t like to fight but know sometimes you just have to, and most especially, if the idea of leaving the huddled masses and joining the pursuit of happiness has a mystical appeal for you, then you are already an American in your heart. Welcome home. Get here any way you can. We need people like you."

Anyone out there still believe Bill only thinks that "ideal Americans" live within U.S. borders? Anyone REALLY think that one's sports preferences hold any actual relevance whatsoever in Bill's ideas about who and what make up an American? Come on! It was a flip way of painting Main Street, U.S.A., that's all, something a little more snappy than just presenting an official list. And I was friggin' loving it.

On the other hand, I guess, maybe it doesn't matter how "cool" and "hip" your presentation is if nobody gets it. Especially your target demographic... your preferred audience.

And that's a shame.

I loved the sentiment though, Bill. And if THAT way didn't click, then find another way that will, because the message is a good one. It's NOT racist, it's NOT jingoistic, and it's really not even "Americentric." It's about a good, happy, secure, enriching lifestyle, and a freedom of spirit that doesn't just exist here, between these shores. It can, and does, exist anywhere it wants to... it just has a home and haven here.

Do what you want, Bill -- stop it or keep on going -- but, for this one at least, play to the people who are actually listening.

Zoo-hah!

GHS

I didn't like the new series and thought it would be suicide to publish it, but if you liked it, Bill, I see no reason why you shouldn't write it. And some have obviously enjoyed it.

BUT! I noticed further up in the comment stream that Bonnie said something about building the antithesis of an Ideal American... I don't know, maybe it would turn out about the same, and maybe it would be too negative, but it sounds cool to me. Or a list and analysis of beliefs and attitudes that are contrary to a free society. A sort of diagnosis. You need a diagnosis before you can write a perscription, yes?

I have to say, I really liked this bit:

(Warning: If the word ‘Nazi’ is heard you have stumbled across the rare and highly toxic Progressive. Remain calm. Back slowly toward the nearest exit and call the authorities. Report that you have just encountered a Progressive; this is a serious matter, and an elite Dissent Crushing Regiment will respond within minutes with a fleet of black helicopters, and excruciatingly painful, electric stun rifles. The Progressive will then be taken to an undisclosed location for re-education and recreational beatings.)

They wish. Until they do, they'll have to be content visiting Madame Domina at $120 an hour.

I stumbled on your blog through the Rocky Top Brigade (Go Vols!) before July 4th and have enjoyed everything you've written. Except for my friends that reenact the Civil War, I rarely get to interact with others that feel the way I do about the greatness of America and why it is the "land of the free and the home of the brave." I mean, years ago, my family would stand in the theatre when the "Star Spangled Banner" was played (anyone remember?) prior to the feature. No self-congratulation, its what we were taught. Here on your blog, a like minded community has gathered and I feel fortunate to have found it. Even the whole can of worms you opened about the Ideal American is still, IMO, worthy of exploration because its one man's idea. I've liked your ideas so far. I have searched through my books for a quote from Kurt Vonnegut in a lecture he made at Mark Twain's house in Conneticut...but I couldn't. The general idea of the quote was that there was something basic about being American as expressed by Twain, so basic even the newest arrival to our country (from Vietnam, in his example) could imagine he too had that basic American something just from wanting to be here and doing something about it. From my prospective, our ancestors were the pick of the litter regardless of where they came from. They weren't satisified with their lot in life and did something about it. Anyway, thank you for the investment of time and intellect and I hope it pays off for you richly down the road. And if you're in the Tampa area, I would love to shake your hand.

Speak for yourself; MY ancestors were mainly icy opportunists who came to the Southern colonies to make bales of money and rule over large estates they couldn't afford in England, not those who went to the northern colonies seeking religious freedom or indentured servitude... and when independence came, they wanted to make damn sure it wouldn't for their workforce.

Boy, I say BOY, get me some iced tea...

Damn, man! I loved the series, it was funny as all hell. Don't let the vocal minority censor your natural writing style. It doesn't matter what you write, there will be someone complaining about it anyway. Tell 'em to write their own handbook or shut up and enjoy yours!

Personally, I loved your assessment of soccer. I was glad you didn't delete it, and went looking frantically for it once I read this post.

I wrote a Zen parody in college comparing the soccer player with a dog - with them chasing endlessly over the same fields for something small and white - in one case a rabbit, in the other a ball. At the end of the poem, the student asks the master "what is the difference, then, between the soccer player and the dog?"

"In this incarnation, the dog has a purpose." the master replies.

Cool, it's not often that I see a Kids In The Hall reference on the net. Yet another Canadian export, part of our Master Plan of World Domination. No, it's true! Take a look here and see your inevitable doom...

[holding up thumb in front of eye] "Go away, there's nobody home!"

Given Monty Python, Kids in the Hall, SCTV, Saturday Night Live (when it was good), and the Daily Show, I think sketch comedy is going to be the ultimate uniter of cultures.

"Given Monty Python, Kids in the Hall, SCTV, Saturday Night Live (when it was good), and the Daily Show, I think sketch comedy is going to be the ultimate uniter of cultures."

That, and Warner Bros. cartoons. BTW LabRat, I perceive another fan of everybody's favourite Southron blowhard, Foghorn Leghorn: "Hey BOY, get yo' nose outta them long-haired books...(sotto voce) good boy, but he keeps talkin' when Ah'm interruptin'..."

You could say that, yes. He sounds just like some of my relatives, hence my fascination and amusement.

Bill,

Didn't know where else to put this, and not to rush, but I really do want to know when your book is coming out...I am eagerly anticipating it to be sure.

--Chris

Bulding the Ideal American. Hmm...Didn't Hitler have a similar idea?

From zero to Godwin's Law in seven words! A NEW record, ladies and gentlemen!

Honestly, is it really that hard to tell the difference between a eugenic idea of racial purity enforced by mass murder and an ideological idea of cultural values enforced by nothing at all except words and convictions?

Hmmm. Funny, I don't remember Hitler saying anything at all about "Ideal Americans."

(just kidding, Zach... ONE of us has to)

I remember Herr Schicklegruber/Heutler shitting a lot of stuff about "racial purity," and cleaning up muddied genetic waters, and "No Jobs for Jews" (in the beginning)... lebensraum, and Final Solutions, and a thousand years of world dominion, stuff like that, but, ummm... nothing about "Ideal Americans," I'm pretty sure.

So which one of all those listed things was it that you think Bill supposedly espoused here? Maybe it was Bill's glib wit in depicting Americana in an offbeat way that so reminded you of Hitler. Yeh, Old Dolphy was so renowned for his oblique and campy satire of the "Ideal German" -- and the Ideal Pole, the Ideal Slav, and of course the Ideal French Puppet State -- yes, I can see the similarities now.

But then again, maybe you just found your own glib, campy and oblique way of saying "I don't get it."

Hee-hee! Now I see. That was a good one, Zach.

GHS

Hi,

great stuff, swear by the way it works so quickly - - http://steroidonlineshop.com
i just picked up some of their T4.